I often come along articles with tips on how to bond or connect with your baby in the womb. This seems to imply that there is some sort of action required to create a connection between you and your baby. This is not true! If you are pregnant, you and your baby are connected 24/7. Your baby is growing inside of you and is basically part of you.
If you find it pleasant to take moments during the day or week, to consciously tune in to this new life growing in your belly, you should for sure do so. But if you do not feel this desire, or if you find it difficult to ‘make’ this connection, please realize that the connection is anyways there. No need to worry about it. And definitely no need to think there is something wrong with you!
The connection is there:
From week 12 of your pregnancy, you have formed a placenta that nourishes your baby through the umbilical cord. Before that, the fetus is nourished by your uterus. This nourishment is happening nonstop! Whether you think about it or not.
During pregnancy, there is an exchange of DNA between mother and baby. Not only do you pass your DNA to your baby, but your baby is also passing their DNA to you! Via the placenta, cells of the baby with their DNA move to your body. These cells embed themselves in your tissue and become a part of your own body. And this remains the case long after the birth of your baby. This phenomenon is called ‘microchimerism’. Quite a connection I would say.
From around 16 weeks, the fetus can hear sounds in the womb. Their ability to process sounds will develop the following weeks, and by week 23 they can hear your voice. So, every time you talk, sing, cough or laugh, the baby can hear this. And not only that, but your baby will also hear the sounds your body is making. Your heartbeat, the blood running through your vessels, your food being digested. In this way your baby is already getting to know you from inside out!
For a long time, it was thought that babies could not feel or experience anything before they were born and had grown into small toddlers. However, we now know that babies do have their own thoughts, feelings and experiences, already in the womb. And your experiences directly impact the experiences of your baby. Your baby picks-up how you feel. Your baby is never disconnected from you.
If there is a connection to seek during pregnancy, I would say it is the connection with yourself. And now you may wonder:’ If you say that I am always connected with my baby, how can I be disconnected from myself?!’ And yes, you are right, that is a bit contradictory. But what I mean to say, is that it can be good to tune in with yourself regularly. If you do this, just for 5 minutes, it’s already good.
If you don’t know how, you could try the following.
Find a place where you won’t be disturbed and switch off distractions like telephone or television. Set a timer on 5 minutes.
Find a comfortable position.
Bring your attention to your breath. Some people find it easy to feel their breath going in and out of their nostrils, others find it easy to feel their chest rising, and yet others feel how the breath expands their belly. Whatever is easiest for you is good. You don’t need to change your breath, just focus on it.
Thoughts, feelings and emotions, will come up, and these will distract you from the focus on your breath. This is not wrong; this is not an issue. You don’t need to prevent this from happening. As soon as you realize that you are distracted, you can return your focus to the breath. At that point, you might have judgy thoughts about the fact that you were distracted but try to also give yourself some recognition for the fact that you became aware of being distracted and that you are focusing on your breath again.
Such short periods of silence, with a focus turned inwards (your breath), will help you to connect with yourself. Will it always be pleasant? No! Especially at the beginning, it might be challenging to fulfil these 5 minutes. But eventually it will pay off.
Alternatively you can also use a guided meditation from an app or Spotify.
Selena (a doula and holistic practitioner) and I facilitate gatherings for Pregnant Women in Stavanger. During these meetings there will also be time and gentle guiding to practice connecting with yourself. Click here to find out more or to register.
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